Spencer's First Talk

Spencer had his first talk on Sunday! It was on the Family Proclamation, and he nailed it! We made him a picture talk and then practiced all week. I was a little worried he would get too nervous once he got up there... but he wasn't nervous and remembered everything! I AM SO PROUD of my big boy! I cant believe he is so big already! I cant wait for his next 1st!

I have so much to update from last week...I am working on!!

My Cleaning Dilemma

Keeping my house clean and finding the balance between NAZI clean and filthy dirty is so hard for me! I feel like I am either running around after the kids to pick up each toy and getting grouchy about it or in a defiant "I'm not cleaning cause it never stays clean anyway" kind of bad attitude!

It seems like it stems from the idea that if my house is clean I am a good mom and wife and doing my job and if its dirty then I am a terrible mom and need to be embarrassed

WHY

do we lie to ourselves and PUSH AND PUSH to keep up this image that houses are never used or played in and are ALWAYS picked up?

I AM TIRED OF BEING STRESSED AND EMBARRASSED

MY WORTH IS NOT DETERMINED BY HOW MESSY OR CLEAN MY HOUSE IS!

I am not going to give up and never clean but I am DONE feeling like it has to be picked up and 100% show room ready for visitors and family!

WE LIVE HERE, toys get played with food gets eaten, pillows get swung around, laundry gets cleaned (or not cleaned:), beds get slept in!

I AM STILL A GOOD MOM IF MY HOUSE ISN'T SPOTLESS!!!

I refuse to play into this perfect woman perfect house image! SO I PROMISE to NEVER come into your house and think, hmm she hasn't cleaned today! or hmm at least I vacuum before people come over! I PROMISE to come into your house and look at YOU and spend my energy being a friend and not comparing who vacuumed most recently or who wipes their counters most often!

WILL YOU DO THE SAME FOR ME?

Silly Songs and Wrestlers!

Spencer has been learning some great new songs at Preschool so I thought I would share them! It is so exciting to watch him start growing up and learning all on his own!

(Just in case it hard to understand him.... the 1st song is about herman the worman and he eats a banana and the 2nd song is about monkeys teasing a dinosaur who sneaks up on them and chomps them out of their tree!!!)

Amber and I are getting ready for our next craft fair so we got together and were getting a few things ready! The kids started having a wrestling match! Spencer would pick the next wrestler charge them a blanket and then they would go for it in the wrestling ring! IT WAS SO FUNNY!

I am watching out for some opportunities to catch Coop and Graham "LIVE" as well so stay tuned!

Spencer's First Primary Program

Spencer had his first Primary Program last Sunday! When we got his part we were both so excited! We would practice all the time! He would set up chairs and give each of us a spot and them have us take turns holding the "microphone" and saying our own part! He was just so excited!

Well when the day arrived and we walked into the chapel he decided he DID NOT want to sit up in the front! It took LOTS AND LOTS of pleading and about 20 minutes to convince him it would be fun and to be excited not nervous!

Once he got up there he did GREAT! He stood and sat when he was supposed to and said his part really well! My husband did NOT want me to video him but... I snuck this little video of his part! The Sunbeams each said something our parents do to help our family and Spencer's part was

"Our Moms Clean Up"

So drum roll please....

And there it is! Next year I will be more sneaky and take a few more videos!

My Moment of Clarity

The past few weeks have been rough on me! I have just felt a little down and out, and I dont know why!!? I have been so grumpy and edgy! I feel myself go from 1 to angry over small things and I wonder why? I have been feeling constantly overwhelmed and upset and it makes me sad!

I snap at the boys and scare myself! I can see how I react in their faces and then I just want to be different! I know I DONT want the be that kind of Mom! I want to respond quietly and sweetly I want to brush of the everyday messes and just be able to relax and play with them... but for some reason lately I cant!!! And my heart slows down and I just ache because I DONT WANT TO BE THIS GIRL!

Today was another bad day, the kids made too many messes and fought too much and at nap time they just screamed and beat on each other! The first time I went in I threatened them with no more juice and raised my voice!

As I sat down I remembered a blog Amber recommended I read for a little pick me up and this sweet girl I dont even know softened my heart and helped me hear what the spirit was trying to tell me!

At that moment the boys started crying and I could tell someone hurt someone else! I went in softly and asked Spencer to come sit next to me and Cooper (who was the victim THIS time) I told him I wanted to be a better mommy and told him I needed Heavenly Fathers help! So we said a prayer together!

Cooper wiggled and I cried and asked Heavenly Father to help me answer with tenderness instead of harshness to laugh and play instead of correct and scold! I asked for extra strength to think before I respond so we could be a happier family!

When I closed the prayer and opened my wet eyes I saw my two beautiful boys and felt such clarity and peace! I knew that if I just took some time to ask for the extra help I needed I COULD be more of the kind of MOM I want to be and my BEAUTIFUL boys DESERVE! I dont have to wonder how, I KNOW that I can get all the extra strength I need if I only turn to my Brother and ASK!

So in the moments of frustration that are SURE to come (before I even finish this post, I'm sure!!) I am going to try and just ask for help as I approach a intense situation! And hopefully my kinder attitude will rub off on them!! AND if not well I'll know where to turn....

So thank you to Amber and this sweet girl who opened her heart and testimony; you were the instruments in His hands to show me that He knows me and is ready to help me!!